Tilly’s Island Terms of Service

Disclaimer: This site will be referred to as a physical island, entirely fictional and exaggerated to fit this theme.

To establish a healthy, safe, and comfortable environment within the premises of Tilly’s Island, these terms of service have been put in place. Complaints about these conditions will not be tolerated, as this is the law of the land. Those who decide to not follow in line with these rules will experience immediate termination and will be sent home from the island without financial compensation.

Your Account

While on the island, you are offered a plethora of opportunities to engage. Enjoy comedy shows, informative lectures, and lots of free time. You are not required to attend any events, but if you do, you must be entertained or educated in some way. If it is found that these conditions are not met, you are entitled to swift termination.

Visitors of all ages are welcome, but those between the ages of 18 and 21 will be forced to compete in arena combat, fighting to the death to be crowned the victor. Prizes may vary. Participation is not optional.

This island has a zero tolerance policy for freaks, creeps, and weirdos. If you have ever been identified as one of these, you are not welcome.

If you have ever self-identified as “quirky,” you are to be placed at the back of the line for food and activities. This behavior is unacceptable, but upon being taught the valuable lesson that you are not quirky, but instead just annoying, you can be integrated back into the tropical paradise society that all others enjoy here on Tilly’s Island.

Rights and Ownership

All content created and distributed from islanders instantly become property of the island and its government. It’s all mine, all of it, nothing is yours. Remember that. I’ve created this deeply enjoyable exotic experience for many, and this serves as partial payment for said experience.

Claiming personal ownership of any content, even “intellectual property” or “ideas,” will result in an expedient submarine ride to the depths of the ocean, where you will be left to your own devices.

In collaboration with the Illuminati, content pulled from other sources and brought to the island also becomes island-owned.


If at any point in time an islander decides they would like to leave, they will be loaded into the world’s largest catapult, aimed in a random direction, and launched thousands of miles, flying through the sky within a tinfoil capsule. The destination is not predetermined, and it is not our responsibility to return you home safely.

All belongings and personal items on your person will immediately be handed over to administration upon requesting to leave. This includes clothing, trinkets, devices, children, pets, etcetera. You will be leaving with nothing.

You may, and most likely will, be removed from the island at any time for any reason. Don’t test me.

Resolving Disputes

The island takes disputes, disagreements, and arguments very seriously. In the case that a dispute must be settled, the island council will hear your case and act promptly.

In disputes between islanders, a game using marbles will be played. The winner remains on the island, while the loser is terminated. As seen in Squid Game.

In disputes between multiple islanders, where none are in agreement, a game of Red Light, Green Light will be played. The winners will remain on the island, while the losers are terminated. As seen in Squid Game.

In disputes between multiple islanders where there are two distinct sides, a game of Tug-of-War will be played. The winning team will remain on the island, while the losers are terminated. As seen in Squid Game.

In disputes between an islander and the island’s government, the islander will be taken to the edge of a cliff and shot in the shoulder, resulting in them falling backwards, off the cliff, into the water below. As seen in Squid Game.

In disputes between the island’s government and outsiders—actually this won’t happen. They won’t believe you when you call. You barely have cell signal out here anyways. As seen in Squid Game.